We all know comedy is as subjective as music, film, and facial hair. And for a medium that subsists on joy and laughter, comedy can be a contentious landscape where jokes are debated with humourless hubris way too often.
So before I reveal my very favourite joke and set myself up for debate, let me assure you how much I adore so much funny—John Mulaney’s cadence and wordplay, Tim & Eric’s freakish fearlessness, Maria Bamford’s mental health shadowboxing, and Mike Birbigila’s long-form storytelling.
Throw in other humour heroes like Michelle Wolf, Patton Oswalt, Andy Kindler, Chelsea Peretti, Paul F. Tompkins, Jerrod Carmichael, Eugene Mirman, Sarah Silverman, Tim Robinson, Jon Dore, and local wise guys like Charles Demers, Ivan Decker, and Graham Clark…and I suppose I identify as a cliche comedy nerd. (And these popular names mentioned are just the contemporary comics I dote on).
Two of my best-loved bits from two of my best-loved comics (and I urge you to click on the links) are Tig Notaro’s Conan Chair Gag, and Gary Gulman’s perfectly constructed State Abbreviation bit. I could watch these every day. And have probably have.
But wait. I’m still not at The Best Joke in the World. I mean, c’mon. We have to build to the kicker, right?
Another comic idol of mine is Todd Barry, who’s mastered a molasses-paced, deadpan delivery over a 20-year career. Here’s a quick classic that always kills me:
“People are really precious about Italian food. I know a lot of people who only eat Italian food at restaurants, and they say the same thing:
‘I’m not going to spend ten dollars for a dollar’s worth of pasta. Plus...NO ONE makes Italian food like my grandmother.'
Well, you do spend a little extra for Italian food at a restaurant. But for that extra nine dollars, you get a heaping side order of not hanging out with your grandmother."
— Todd Barry, from the album ‘Super Crazy’
OK. Enough set-up. Enough comedy premise and promise. Here’s the Greatest Joke in the World. For me. (Disclaimer: it’s a masturbation-based bit. So I’m not calling it highbrow. Just hilarious).
It comes from weirdo writer / comic Dan Mintz, who was relatively unknown until he found fame voicing the awkward daughter Tina, on Bob’s Burgers.
Here it is. The short joke from Mintz’s 2014 album The Stranger:
“I’m so jealous of kids today. It’s so much easier to jerk off than it used to be. Like, when I was a kid, you had to go find the Sears Catalog. And go to the lingerie section.
Now with the internet…I just go to my computer. Go online. And go right to Sears.com.”
Perfection. No need for analysis. Duke me out if you wish—but hopefully you won’t have to, because if it did its job, it just made you laugh. And that’s a good thing.
Yikes. That’s crazy 😜
😂 Thanks for the laughs, Jordan!